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Encountering denial, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is saying no, giving a clear “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas five decades ago, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. During the recent score of years, focusing on personal essays, the rejections have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a rejection every few days—totaling over 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a master’s in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining outburst? Far from it. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Managed It?

Some context: Now, just about each individual and others has said no. I haven’t counted my success rate—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors declined my manuscript before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a book pitch. A particular editor even asked that I send articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a manuscript was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be ignore my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at them, followed by anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often seasoned with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I can never become successful.

This continued over many years.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Stories of writers whose work was initially turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in races. The filmmaker says that his movie pitch and desire to appear were turned down numerous times. He said rejection as an alarm to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Later, as I reached my later years, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or have one in progress, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor feels I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and read my submission too quickly to see its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are always not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at 65—and in excess of numerous essays. These works have been published in newspapers large and small, in diverse platforms. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no spots on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more readily accept no at 73, because my, humble successes have eased the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be reflective about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What teachings have I learned?

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